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Teasel's fiction
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As of February 2006, this journal archives fics that I wrote as teasel between 2002 and 2004, during eighteen wonderfully fun months in the Lord of the Rings fandom.

Many of these fics may also be found on various Lord of the Rings archives. Formerly they were also archived on my web site; if you're looking for that, sorry! I deleted it when the evil ISP hosting it refused to provide broadband in my neighborhood. *growls* All the fics are here; the other fandom-related pages, which long ago fell out of date, aren't.

If you're looking for my LotR essays, they're collected as a tagged group of entries here; if you're looking for the "Comparison pics" posts establishing visual parallels between images in the LotR movies, they're also collected as a tagged group here.

Note: due to the proliferation of comment spam on LJ, comments on this journal have been turned off.

Heat Wave Universe

The fics in this section can certainly be read independently, but they share a set of AU assumptions and speculate on what the canonical results of those assumptions would be. The first AU assumption is that Frodo and Sam begin a serious romantic relationship before the Quest. The second AU assumption is that Tolkien's Arda is just a little more sentient than it actually is: I suppose you could say that I take the Ents seriously here and tried to consider Tolkien's universe as if someone, somewhere, was indeed on the Ents' side.

  • Heat Wave (Frodo/Sam, PG-13) A drought in the Shire; Frodo wants to solve this problem with the worst possible method. Sam provides a better way.

  • Come Back to Me (Gen; Merry, Pippin, and an Entwife) Eleven-year old Pippin goes looking for his cousin Merry but meets an Entwife instead; this proves to be Not Safe at All. Contains considerable speculation on what hobbits really are and on the fate of the Entwives.

  • The Road to Valinor (Frodo/Sam, R) Can be read on its own, but follows the events of "Heat Wave." In the winter after Sam and Frodo have become lovers, everything and nothing has changed between them. Sam struggles to adjust to his new happiness and puzzles about Frodo as he travels from Bagshot Row to Bag End.

  • On Gorgoroth Plain Again, can be (and usually is) read on its own, though it's consistent with the Heat Wave universe. Other things live in Mordor besides Orcs. Frodo and Sam encounter one such unfortunate creature on their journey; the encounter and its consequences.

Frodo Hill, or, Memoirs of a Young Hobbit of Pleasure

Being the Adventures of a young Hobbit of the Shire, in the City of Osgiliath, in the Days of that great Conflict among Nations, now styl'd, the War of the Ring. Containing a full Account of his Captivity in a House of ill Fame, and his daring Rescue from the Same. With the secret Histories of several Persons of that Time, including Captain Faramir of Gondor, and some surprising Explanations of that Gentleman's mysterious Behaviour, never before made Publick. By Mrs. Maria-Susannah Cleland. Edited and with an Introduction by Teasel.

An epistolary novel in eight letters; Frodo is imprisoned in an Osgiliath bordello and Sam must rescue him. It really is written in the eighteenth-centurystyle above, so if you don't like that, don't click; this is a crossover between LotR and John Cleland's Fanny Hill. This version of the fic should probably be rated either PG-13 or a very mild R. The fic as a whole is either Frodo/Sam slash or a deeply loving comic tribute to Frodo/Sam slash, depending on your point of view; it also flirts briefly with Frodo/Faramir and Faramir/OC.

Warnings: Goats, parody, pastiche; eighteenth-century style, spelling, punctuation, and vocabulary.

Frodo Hill Table of Contents

Various other fics

  • Hobbits on Ice (Frodo/Sam, PG-13). What's going on between Frodo and Sam? Merry wants to know, but Frodo and Sam aren't telling. Matters are resolved during an afternoon of ice-skating. Yes, ice-skating. With *those* feet. So very not canon.

  • Revision (Gen, Bilbo) When Bilbo wrote the Red Book, he failed to tell the truth about one crucial episode. When he attempts to revise his book, he faces an unexpected crisis. Rather dark; a speculative gapfiller seeking to explain the discrepancies between the two different accounts of the finding of the Ring in the first and second editions of The Hobbit.

frodo hill

Frodo Hill;
or, Memoirs of a Hobbit of Pleasure

Being the Adventures of a young Hobbit of the Shire, in the City of Osgiliath, in the Days of that great Conflict among Nations, now styl'd, the War of the Ring. Containing a full Account of his Captivity in a House of ill Fame, and his daring Rescue from the Same. With the secret Histories of several Persons of that Time, including Captain Faramir of Gondor, and some surprising Explanations of that Gentleman's mysterious Behaviour, never before made Publick. By Mrs. Maria-Susannah Cleland

Edited, with notes and an introduction by Teasel

Table of Letters

Letter the First In which the fair Halfling appears among us; mysterious Behaviour of Captain Faramir.
Letter the Second A startling Encounter in the secret Passage; the fair Halfling wakes; Mr. Peters' fiendish Plan.
Letter the Third In which the fair Halfling commences the History of his Lovers; an Encounter between him and his cousin Ledo.
Letter the Fourth In which the fair Halfling concludes the sad Tale of his Lovers; the strange Fate of Ledo; the tragic Obstacle between the Halfling and his one true Love.
Letter the Fifth In which the Identity of our caprine Friend is question'd; intriguing Elvish Customs are explain'd; the fair Halfling reaches a dreadful Conclusion concerning the Fate of his Sam, and takes a rash Action in Consequence.
Letter the Fifth-and-a-Half In which our caprine Friend meets an appalling Fate; a dearly lov'd Friend of the Halfling appears among us at last; the Halfling's Curse is explain'd; and Sauron's most fearsome Weapon is mention'd.
Letter the Fifth-and-
Three-Quarters
In which the fair Halfling is subjected to an Auction of the most shocking Kind; impulsive Actions of Captain Faramir and a Pot of Honey.
Letter the Sixth In which the Auction is complete; a mysterious Identity is reveal'd; heroick Actions of Mr. Peters; Captain Faramir, the fair Halfling, and Sam find Happiness at last.

The History is at last complete; no additional Letters will be forthcoming.



Warnings and DisclaimersCollapse )

Editor"s IntroductionCollapse )

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